6/6 AP English Language Argument Essay Example #2
This is a real argument essay written by an AP student (personal details removed) and scored 6/6 by our AI grader — one of many AP English Language essay examples in our library.
The Prompt
In a 2022 interview with People magazine promoting her program to empower young girls through sport, professional tennis player and mental health advocate Naomi Osaka said: “For me, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is to try to be present in each moment. It’s easy to lose sight of how far you’ve come, but I’ve been prioritizing trying to live in the moment and enjoy the journey.”
Write an essay that argues your position on the extent to which Osaka’s claim about embracing the present moment is valid.
The Essay
Naomi Osaka is a world-renowned female tennis player, born in Japan to Japanese & Haitian parents. She has had a very accomplished career, winning 4 grand slam titles at just 28 years old. Just a couple of years ago, in an interview with PEOPLE magazine she shared about her growth as an athlete and as a person. In her 2022, PEOPLE magazine interview, Naomi Osaka shares that the biggest lesson for her was to live in the present moment. While some people may argue that living in the present could limit goal setting or reflection on past performances, the anxiety accompanied with constant worrying about the future and regret of the past outweighs any benefit from reflection. Furthermore, adopting a “fun” mindset, much like Osaka did, has been shown to legitimately increase an athlete’s performance. Although living in the present seems beneficial, a number of people would argue that without future goal-setting and reflection on past performances inhibits an athlete’s growth. In the heat of the moment, especially at the highest of levels, athletes are unlikely to notice technical gaps or mental lapses; they are focused solely on winning. Reflection on a performance, therefore, is crucial to any athlete’s success. Reviewing past game footage, for example, allows high level athletes to perceive any technical errors they may have made, but glossed over when playing. Future goal-setting is just as important as past performance reflection. For one, goals give purpose to athletes to push through exhausting training sessions. Without proper goals, any athlete is likely to see setbacks as a sign to turn around & give up. Goal setting allows athletes to move past these setbacks, regardless of how many there are, so that they can reach the goal they set for themselves. Past reflection & future goal-setting function in a virtuous cycle, by which one action supports the other. An athlete sets a goal, performs, reflects on that performance, and then sets a new goal, in which the cycle continues. However, high-performing athletes often struggle to set boundaries in which they reflect, often leading to negative outcomes. Many athletes either reflect all the time or not at all. When athletes constantly reflect on their performance, they are likely to become self-critical. This creates tension in the athlete’s mind and actually draws emotional & mental energy away from performance. So, in essence, too much retrospection can actually draw away from high-level performance. In the case of Osaka, she actually addresses this point in her interview, “...[Osaka] has recently been outspoken about the importance of prioritizing mental health, having previously withdrawn from the 2021 French Open because of anxiety and depression,” (Kimble, p.4). Osaka’s struggle with mental health is a perfect example of exaggerated performance reflection. She faced a lot of pressure & due to the high level at which she competed, likely became extremely self-critical. This led to burnout, which severely impacted her performance. After her recovery, living in the present moment has allowed her to continue to compete at the highest level without burning out as quickly. Another part of Osaka’s recovery journey was the adoption of a mindset of “fun”. Having “fun” while performing as an athlete has many benefits, ranging from increased endorphins, which decrease stress & improve tolerance to pain, all the way to serotonin release that lifts energy levels & improves sleep, breathing, & heart rate (Cleere, p.3). So “fun” in sports is not just some abstract concept. It is a legitimate method for bettering one’s performance. Osaka demonstrates this mindset in a quote she shared, “‘Obviously, I want to win, but I want to make sure that I am enjoying myself along the way. I play my best tennis when I am enjoying it,’” (Kimble, p.9). The season following her mental health hiatus, in which she began to adopt her “fun” mindset, produced tangible results. In 2022, although she suffered from injury, she reached later stages of many world-class tournaments and even faced the No.1 female tennis player (at the time) in the finals of the Miami Open. While there may be substance to reflection and goal-setting, in excessive amounts, it can place serious pressure on athletes, causing them to be overwhelmed. The problem is that many high-performing athletes struggle to define a boundary between healthy & excessive performance reflection. In order to find the boundary & strike the balance, Naomi Osaka worked to adopt a mindset of “fun”, allowing her to rise from injury setbacks & continue to compete at the highest level of tennis.
Score Breakdown
Thesis (1/1)
Evidence & Commentary (4/4)
Sophistication (1/1)
Why This Essay Scored Well
The introduction names the opposing view before taking a side. Living in the present "could limit goal setting or reflection on past performances," the essay grants, and then it answers that "the anxiety accompanied with constant worrying about the future and regret of the past outweighs any benefit from reflection." A second sentence adds a separate claim about a "fun" mindset, so the reader knows both lines of argument from the start, and the body takes them up in order.
The second paragraph argues the other side at length. It explains why athletes miss things in the middle of a match, points to game footage as the fix, and ends by laying out the whole cycle: "An athlete sets a goal, performs, reflects on that performance, and then sets a new goal, in which the cycle continues." Because the writer builds that position fully, the turn in the next paragraph has something solid to push against.
In the third paragraph, constant reflection makes athletes "become self-critical," and that tension "draws emotional & mental energy away from performance." That chain of causes sets up Osaka's withdrawal from the 2021 French Open as an example of reflection gone too far. The fourth paragraph switches to a different kind of evidence, naming endorphins that "decrease stress & improve tolerance to pain" and serotonin that "lifts energy levels & improves sleep, breathing, & heart rate." Then it ties the science back to Osaka with her own line, "I play my best tennis when I am enjoying it," and closes on her 2022 run to the Miami Open final as a concrete result.
The sophistication point works differently from the others, since it rewards one move. Here that move comes in the conclusion, where the essay says athletes "struggle to define a boundary between healthy & excessive performance reflection." That line concedes reflection has value and puts the danger in the amount, which gives the essay a qualified answer to how far Osaka's claim holds.
For the full point-by-point rubric behind this score, read our AP essay rubric breakdown.
What Could Be Improved
Two sentences need repair. The counterargument opens with "a number of people would argue that without future goal-setting and reflection on past performances inhibits" growth, which mixes two sentence structures. Dropping "without" would fix it. The third paragraph says Osaka "actually addresses this point in her interview," but the quotation that follows is the magazine describing her withdrawal, so it should be credited to the article.
One fact needs care. Osaka's opponent in the 2022 Miami final had been announced as the next No. 1 but did not officially take the ranking until two days after the match, so "No.1 female tennis player (at the time)" overstates it slightly.
The prose also uses the ampersand in formal sentences, as in "emotional & mental energy," where "and" reads better. The introduction spends four sentences on background, two of them about the same interview, before reaching the thesis. And the conclusion repeats the boundary idea from the third paragraph without pushing it further, when a closing line about what that balance looks like in practice would end the essay on new ground.
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