6/6 AP English Literature Prose Essay Example #4

This is a real prose essay written by an AP student (personal details removed) and scored 6/6 by our AI grader — one of many AP English Literature essay examples in our library.

The Prompt

The following question refers to Jamaica Kincaid’s “Girl,” published in 1978. In this story, a mother addresses her daughter by imparting expectations for proper behavior. Read the story carefully.

In a well-written essay, analyze how Kincaid uses literary elements and techniques to convey how social values and traditions shape the complex relationship between the mother and her daughter.

The Passage

Wash the white clothes on Monday and put them on the stone heap; wash the color clothes on Tuesday and put them on the clothesline to dry; don’t walk bare-head in the hot sun; cook pumpkin fritters in very hot sweet oil; soak your little cloths right after you take them off; when buying cotton to make yourself a nice blouse, be sure that it doesn’t have gum in it, because that way it won’t hold up well after a wash; soak salt fish overnight before you cook it; is it true that you sing benna in Sunday school?; always eat your food in such a way that it won’t turn someone else’s stomach; on Sundays try to walk like a lady and not like the slut you are so bent on becoming; don’t sing benna in Sunday school; you mustn’t speak to wharf-rat boys, not even to give directions; don’t eat fruits on the street—flies will follow you; but I don’t sing benna on Sundays at all and never in Sunday school; this is how to sew on a button; this is how to make a buttonhole for the button you have just sewed on; this is how to hem a dress when you see the hem coming down and so to prevent yourself from looking like the slut I know you are so bent on becoming; this is how you iron your father’s khaki shirt so that it doesn’t have a crease; this is how you iron your father’s khaki pants so that they don’t have a crease; this is how you grow okra—far from the house, because okra tree harbors red ants; when you are growing dasheen, make sure it gets plenty of water or else it makes your throat itch when you are eating it; this is how you sweep a corner; this is how you sweep a whole house; this is how you sweep a yard; this is how you smile to someone you don’t like too much; this is how you smile to someone you don’t like at all; this is how you smile to someone you like completely; this is how you set a table for tea; this is how you set a table for dinner; this is how you set a table for dinner with an important guest; this is how you set a table for lunch; this is how you set a table for breakfast; this is how to behave in the presence of men who don’t know you very well, and this way they won’t recognize immediately the slut I have warned you against becoming; be sure to wash every day, even if it is with your own spit; don’t squat down to play marbles—you are not a boy, you know; don’t pick people’s flowers—you might catch something; don’t throw stones at blackbirds, because it might not be a blackbird at all; this is how to make a bread pudding; this is how to make doukona; this is how to make pepper pot; this is how to make a good medicine for a cold; this is how to make a good medicine to throw away a child before it even becomes a child; this is how to catch a fish; this is how to throw back a fish you don’t like, and that way something bad won’t fall on you; this is how to bully a man; this is how a man bullies you; this is how to love a man, and if this doesn’t work there are other ways, and if they don’t work don’t feel too bad about giving up; this is how to spit up in the air if you feel like it, and this is how to move quick so that it doesn’t fall on you; this is how to make ends meet; always squeeze bread to make sure it’s fresh; but what if the baker won’t let me feel the bread?; you mean to say that after all you are really going to be the kind of woman who the baker won’t let near the bread?

The Essay

The first thing to do, crack the eggs. As the eggs cook on the pan, turn the heat from the stove on to medium. Wait until the egg whites are cooked, and then remove the eggs from the pan while the yolk is still runny. Cooking eggs to many is a self-explanatory process, but some people still need the instructions. These instructions help people control the outcome of what happens with the object, the eggs, but what happens when people apply this same logic elsewhere? What happens when people apply the “cookbook” style instructions to a person– something that is not an object and has a mind of its own? In the essay Girl by Jamaica Kincaid, this exact logic is tested. The mother gives her daughter the “cookbook” style instructions, but not how to cook eggs, rather how to live her life. Through the essay, Kincaid shows these instructions through her use of an active voice, bossy repetition, and an overwhelming sentence structure to demonstrate the broader idea that young girls have societal ideals imposed on them so drastically to the point where the girls are expected to conform and surrender their individuality, stripping away their identity and pushing them to find their worth in materialism. Ironically, these ideals are pushed so hard by the very people who are supposed to support originality, their mothers. One of the first noticeable choices Kincaid begins her essay with is her use of active voice. Rather than showing the daughter’s relationship with her mother through a conversation, she shows it through a list of instructions. These instructions can be inferred to be a compilation of separate conversations they’ve had in the past, all strung together. This highlights the tension with her mother and how she views the relationship that they have as one-sided and controlled. The story begins by saying, “Wash the white clothes on Monday and put them on the stone heap; wash the color clothes on Tuesday and put them on the clothesline to dry”. In this, there is a lack of personal emotion and creativity compared to what could have come from dialogue. Since this is from the daughter’s point of view, this showcases how the daughter believes that her mother does not hold emotion for her, rather she holds clear and blunt expectations of her. These expectations are that she is to live up to what society views a “good wife” as, not that she should be a child. These expectations, when forced onto any child, will not help better their life, rather bury their individuality and push them to conform to a robot. Another noticeable choice that the author deliberately makes is to use repetition of words. Repetition can imply that these words are something she has heard very often from her mother; the words stick with her. It can also highlight how these societal ideals of being a “perfect girl” or a “good wife” are repeated to her over and over again. One word that is repeated 14 times is the word “don’t”. That word alone can have a negative connotation as it means that someone is being instructed not to do something, but especially in this case as it means the daughter is being instructed not to make mistakes. Perfection is something that has been expected of women for centuries. In fact, this idea was even shown in the Bible in the book of Esther when Queen Vashti was removed from her position because she refused to flaunt her body to a group of men, likely when she had nothing on. The original reason why she became the queen was because she was deemed to be perfectly beautiful, but as soon as her personality began to develop and she set a boundary for herself, she was kicked out. Although lacking the nudity, the mother is implying these same ideals when she repeats “don’t”. Queen Vashti was not allowed to make the mistake of refusing to live up to her expectations as the beautiful queen, and the daughter’s mother is instructing her to not fail to live up to her expectation of being the –societally defined– perfect girl. From birth, mothers are tasked with being the ones who love their babies, especially their daughters due to their special connection of gender. With love comes embracing the natural qualities of a person. In this essay, her mother is not embracing her, but rather her mother is trying to change her to fit the standards of how society expects materialism from a girl– beauty, silence, gracefulness, and a lack of a desire to lead. Another noticeable literary element that Kincaid utilizes in this essay is overwhelming sentence structure. If this were to be read aloud, some of the lack of pauses would feel unnatural and make a reader feel like they needed to take a deep breath. Kincaid does this because it reflects how the daughter feels; the daughter feels like she needs space and time to breathe. Not just of her mother, but of all the instructions on how to live up to her expectations that she gives. In this essay, it is not grammatically incorrect, but rather instead of periods, semi-colons are used to break sentences. Additionally, many of the sentences have similar structures. Kincaid writes, “this is how you set a table for tea; this is how you set a table for dinner; this is how you set a table for dinner with an important guest; this is how you set a table for lunch; this is how you set a table for breakfast; this is how to behave in the presence of men who don’t know you very well” and she also writes, “this is how to make a bread pudding; this is how to make doukona; this is how to make pepper pot; this is how to make a good medicine for a cold; this is how to make a good medicine to throw away a child before it even becomes a child”. All of these sentences begin with the same word, they lack originality. There is a lack of originality not only in the word choice, but also in the simplicity of the sentences. There are not any “fancy” words, nor are there multiple verbs or multiple nouns, they are very simple. This idea of a lack of creativity and mere simplicity shows how these expectations have been imposed upon the daughter for so long that she feels as if she can no longer fight it, there's a simple answer and that answer is to conform. Additionally, the sentences are very clear that “this” is the way to do something, not that, or another way, but there is only one way. The daughter will only be worthy to the mother once she is materially wealthy, as she is expected to be, and internally alone. The idea of a strained mother-daughter relationship is not only showcased in this essay, but showcased all across the world. Given the fact that it's been highlighted through writing shows personal experience from the author or experience from the people around her. Many times, when it becomes strained like this, it’s because the mother had these same ideals forced upon herself. Looking from a wider lense, it creates a toxic circle of strong women losing their strength as they begin to define their worth in things other than who they are. Many times, this is because if they don’t conform, society will beat them down until they have no one to support them except for themselves. At this point, it is no longer why is this mother-daughter relationship strained, and how can this mom accept her daughter’s individuality, but rather how can the expectations that society imposes upon young women change from materialism to originality.

Score Breakdown

Thesis (1/1)

Evidence & Commentary (4/4)

Sophistication (1/1)

Why This Essay Scored Well

The essay opens with a hook that most students would not think to try: a set of cooking instructions, then the question of what happens when that same cookbook logic gets applied to a person. That framing carries through the whole response instead of being dropped after the introduction. The thesis names three techniques, active voice, repetition, and sentence structure, and ties them to a claim about conformity and lost identity, which is what the rubric asks for. Each body paragraph then stays on its announced technique. The first paragraph reads the list of commands as a one-sided relationship and points out the absence of dialogue, so the lack of emotion becomes evidence, not a feeling the writer simply asserts. The repetition paragraph counts the word "don't" fourteen times and connects that count to an impossible standard of perfection. The structure paragraph quotes the run of "this is how" sentences and argues that the sameness of the phrasing shows the daughter sees only one acceptable path. The grader singled out the semicolons-as-held-breath reading and the "this is how" pattern as real analysis, not summary, and that is the pattern across all three body paragraphs: quote, then interpret. The closing question about whether society's expectations can shift from materialism to originality is the one moment that reaches past the story, and it earns the sophistication point by widening the frame only after the analysis is done.

For the full point-by-point rubric behind this score, read our AP essay rubric breakdown.

What Could Be Improved

The Vashti comparison is the boldest move in the essay, but it spends more sentences retelling the Bible story than analyzing Kincaid. Trim the plot and use those sentences to show how the mother's repeated "don't" polices the daughter the way Vashti was punished for setting a boundary. The claim that the daughter "can no longer fight it" needs textual support, and the story hands over the evidence: the daughter interrupts the commands only twice, and the first time, "but I don't sing benna on Sundays," is a moment of resistance that deserves direct analysis. The final paragraph widens to "all across the world" and loses the story, so keep the lens on Kincaid's techniques and let the universal claim grow out of that evidence. The word "materialism" is asserted but never shown in the text, so either ground it in a specific line or drop it.

Ready to improve your own essay? Grade your AP English Literature essay free with AI.