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4/6 AP English Literature Prose Essay Example #2

This is a real, anonymized prose essay written by an AP student and scored 4/6 by our AI grader — one of many AP English Literature essay examples in our library.

The Prompt

The following excerpt is from Brenda Peynado's short story "The Rock Eaters," published in 2021. In this passage, the narrator is one of a group of people who left their home country after developing the ability to fly, an ability that is accepted as realistically possible within the story. Years later, the group returns to that country with their children. Read the passage carefully. Then, in a well-written essay, analyze how Peynado uses literary elements and techniques to convey the narrator's complex experience of this return home.

The Passage

We were the first generation to leave our island country. We were the ones who developed a distinct float to our walk on the day we came of age. Soon enough we were hovering inches above the ground, then somersaulting with the clouds, finally discovering we could fly as far as we'd ever wanted. And so we left. Decades later, we brought our children back to see our home country. That year, we all decided we were ready to return. We jackknifed through clouds and dodged large birds. We held our children tightly; they had not yet learned to fly. Behind us trailed roped-together lines of suitcases packed with gifts from abroad. We wondered who would remember us. Our parents, those who were still alive, came out to greet us, hands on their brows like visors. Some were expecting us. Others were surprised, terrified at the spectacle of millions of their prodigals' blotting the sky with our billowing skirts, our shirts starched for the arrival. We touched down on our parents' driveways, skidding to rough landings at their feet, denting cars, squashing flowers, rattling windows. Our old friends and siblings, the ones we'd left behind, kept their doors locked. They peered through window blinds at the flattened flowerbeds, the suitcases that had burst and strewn packages all over the yards and streets, our youngest children squealing now that they'd been released, the peace we'd broken by returning. They didn't trust us, not after our betrayal decades ago, the whiff of money we'd earned or lost in other countries like a suspect stench. Our parents hugged their grandchildren and brought them inside to houses with no electricity, candles wavering like we were in a séance. "More brownouts," they told us. "We remember," we said, recoiling at how little the place fit us anymore. Those first nights we slept in our old beds, our feet hanging over the edges, the noises of the city and the country crowing and honking us awake, music from radios and guitars, celebrations we'd not been invited to. We dragged our children along to knock on the doors of old friends and siblings, the ones who never developed the ability to fly. They eventually, reluctantly, opened their doors. At first we sat stiffly on couches and inquired after their health and others we once knew. Then we got them to laugh with us about the time we pulled the nuns' skirts or put gum in the kink of a rival's hair, when we caught baby chicks in the village and raised them, or cracked open almonds on the malecón. 2 Then their children came shyly out of their rooms and took ours by the hand. We smiled when we saw them climbing trees together in the patios, their children showing ours how to eat cajuilitos solimán and acerolas from the branch. We introduced our children to everyone we used to know: at colmados, " by the side of the road, at the baseball fields, at country clubs we had to beg to be let back into. We showed our children the flamboyán trees in the parks, blooms of coral red spilling in the dirt. We showed them the granite striated through the rock faces of mountains, the glimmering pebbles under waterfalls, the red dust that stained the seats of their best clothes. We walked past the stray dogs that growled and whined; the most ancient among them remembered us, wagging their tails when they saw us and running to sniff our offspring. We dunked our children into the rivers we'd once swum. We dug through the banks for the arrowheads that belonged to the Tainos, who'd been erased after the Spanish came, their remnants lost in the mud. Lost, the children whispered in awe and fear, turning the black, glinting points in their palms, testing the hardness of flint between their teeth. Back in our foreign homes, we had never talked to them of history. We remembered we'd been happy. "We loved this land," we said. We forget why we ever left.

The Essay

In The Rock Eaters by Brenda Peynado, the author uses comparisons and vivid descriptions to show the guilt experienced by the narrator returning home, which ultimately emphasizes that nothing is more valuable than one’s true home. Throughout the excerpt, several comparisons are made across the poem which show the narrator’s guilt at what they gave up while away from their home. When the narrator returns home, they have “suitcases packed with gifts from abroad” compared to their parents who live in “houses with no electricity.” This contrast between the vast wealth of the narrator’s family compared to the poverty of those in their home country makes the narrator feel like they have a “suspect stench.” Their old neighbors don’t like how much more prosperous they are due to their ability to fly - they view it as a “betrayal” to leave them behind in impoverished conditions. They show this anger through hosting “celebrations we’d not been invited to” and making the narrator “beg to be let back into” country clubs. This disparity therefore makes the narrator feel guilty about returning home and flaunting their new wealth such as through having a huge amount of gifts. Another comparison within the excerpt is a cultural one between the narrator’s children and those born here. The narrator says that they “[showed] ours how to eat cajuilitos solimán and acerolas from the branch.” The narrator’s children, being born abroad, do not know the unique, rich culture that they belong to. This exposure makes the narrator proud, but it also makes them reflect on how they had “never talked to them of history.” This shows the guilt which the narrator faces upon returning home. While they are happy that they are eventually welcomed back into their community, they also realize that they had given up many parts of their identity in order to live abroad. This doesn’t cause them to regret their actions but instead to embrace their true home and realize that though they may have more material wealth than the other islanders, nothing is more valuable than their shared culture. Along with comparisons, Peynado uses vivid descriptions to show the guilt experienced by the narrator returning home. When describing their landing, the narrator says they were “denting cars, squashing flowers, rattling windows.” Returning home is typically described as an exciting, heart-filled moment with old family members and friends waiting for arrival. However, the narrator portrays their return as a disturbance by discussing the property they damaged and even the flowers they trampled. Flowers are symbolic of beauty and liveliness, and so for the well-meaning visitors to displace these flowers suggests their ironic harm towards the community. Because the story is told through the first-person view of the narrator, this vivid description shows their own focus on the negative impacts of their arrival and therefore the guilt that they have. Next, the narrator details the seemingly mundane yet unique aspects of their home. They show their children the “coral red spilling in the dirt”, the “glimmering pebbles,” and the “red dust that stained the seats of their best clothes.” These vividly fond descriptions show the narrator’s love for parts of their community which most people, including their children, who were born abroad, would not care for. The dirt is imbued with a vibrant red colour, and the pebbles, denoting small stature, are glimmering to show their natural beauty. Additionally, the narrator is fond of their children having stains on their best clothes even though it’s a nuisance to clean because it’s an experience unique to this community. The portrayal of these minute features as beautiful and significant shows how the narrator’s guilt at leaving their home for so long is amplified by the realization that they had been missing so many experiences which created them. This ultimately emphasizes that nothing is more valuable than one’s true home.

Score Breakdown

Thesis (1/1)

Evidence & Commentary (3/4)

Sophistication (0/1)

Why This Essay Scored Well

The thesis names specific techniques and makes a defensible claim about guilt and the value of home. The essay connects the wealth contrast to the narrator's shame, a clear link between evidence and the guilt claim. The evidence choice is strong: the violent verbs undercut the expected joyful return and support the disturbance reading. The writer explains how the flower image works to reveal harm, which is the kind of device-to-meaning analysis the rubric rewards. The move from vivid detail to the narrator's sense of lost identity is an insightful connection to the thesis. The cultural comparison is a genuinely original observation that extends the argument beyond the obvious.

For the full point-by-point rubric behind this score, read our AP essay rubric breakdown.

What Could Be Improved

The evidence commentary needs to push past summary. Instead of saying a quote shows guilt, the essay should explain the mechanism: how does the contrast between suitcases packed with gifts and houses with no electricity actually produce the narrator's feeling of a suspect stench? The narrator both loves this home and no longer fits it, as shown in how little the place fit us anymore. The argument treats the return as simply embracing home, which flattens the complexity the prompt asks about. The devices should tie back to a single line of reasoning. The essay names comparisons and vivid descriptions but does not show how they build one argument about the narrator's ambivalent experience.

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