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4/6 AP English Literature Prose Essay Example #1

This is a real, anonymized prose essay written by an AP student and scored 4/6 by our AI grader — one of many AP English Literature essay examples in our library.

The Prompt

The following excerpt is from Jeannette Haien's novel The All of It, published in 1986. In this passage, Father Declan, an Irish priest, is driving home after a successful fishing trip. Read the passage carefully. Then, in a well-written essay, analyze how Haien uses literary elements and techniques to develop a complex portrayal of Father Declan.

The Passage

Nothing exaggerates a sense of lonely solitude so much as a long night drive through thrashing rain and dense, culprit fog. Crouched over the steering-wheel of the old Ford, his head thrust forward, turtle-like, out of his collar, the only sound the sidelong loping strokes of the windshield wipers, he peered ahead through the car lights' gauzy beam at the narrow, winding road which kept vanishing and reappearing like a dark ribbon in a magician's hand, seen now, now not, depending on the shift of the fog.... It was terrible the way his splendid excitement had vanished almost the instant he'd left the Castle and started the homeward journey, the lilt and thrill of his great adventure draining from him suddenly, to be as suddenly replaced by a violent flush of self-pity caused (admit it) by the sorrowful fact that at the end of the long night drive there would be nought for him but the bulk emptiness of the bleak parish-house, its outside walls bleeding with damp, its windows dark, its high, cold rooms devoid of life except as he would enter them only to encounter, going before him in the chilly chambers, the exhaled, ghostly haze of his own breath; that deadliness, juxtaposed to the powerful vividness of its imagined opposite: anticipation-of a lit window, of a waiting presence, of a voice asking those simple, linking, engaging questions which absence inspires: "How are you?" "How did you fare?" "What was it like?" Oh, the blanknesses of solitude.. He ought to get a dog, a lively, sensitive puppy he could rear to companionable habits; one that would accompany him on walks and ride beside him in the car, that would sleep next to his bed and wag him awake of a morning, a warm, affectionate, entertaining little dog. He pictured the creature: a smallish terrier, a brindled,' charming cairn or smoothcoated brown-and-white Jack Russell, all spiff and prance and independence but ready ever for a petting. "Father Declan's little dog," mothers would say of it in a recommending way, meaning it wouldn't snap when their children stooped to pat it. "Tis Father Declan's": assurance that it wouldn't forget itself and spot the carpet.... Was there anything written against a priest having a dog? For sure the Bishop didn't have one. Could he think of a sixtyish priest he knew who did? He couldn't; though Father Patrick Joyce in Galway kept a toothless, stiff, off-putting thing of a cat, a feature of parish-house life you'd be less surprised by in Galway than in Roonatellin, priests in Galway being laws unto themselves.... And of course, there was the obstacle of Mrs. Duggin, who "did" for him as hasty morning-cleaner and washer and (hastier) cook. (He'd try again hinting to her how much he'd appreciate a bit of noontime meat or fish not fried to the consistency of cement, or a veg not boiled to a rag's limpness.) Mrs. Duggin wouldn't take to a dog.... He could hear her: "I'm hoovering' hairs, Father, dog hairs," tousling the thin of her own, her mouth dropped disapprovingly. "It's not that I'm complaining of the work, the amount of it, but dog hairs-" But must he forever give in to the Mrs. Duggins of the world? forever keep sublimating wishes? as he was this instant sublimating (burying, or trying to) the wish (he struck the word desire) to share with someone this singular-in-his-life, brilliantly prodigious, gallimaufry* twenty-four-pound-ten-ounce day, the bodily fact of it residing in the car's boot, causing now that worrisome, unhealthy, grinding sound the engine was making (or so, in his angler's pride, he fancied the source of the noise to be).... Innocent, the mere wishing of a mere wish.

The Essay

In The All of It by Jeannette Haien, the author uses characterization and vivid descriptions to portray Father Declan as someone who is agonizingly lonely, which emphasizes how his care for others’ opinions drives him to be indecisive. Throughout the excerpt, Haien uses characterization to portray Father Declan as someone who is extremely lonely and despite desiring change, is unable to achieve it. Father Declan is outright labeled as experiencing “lonely solitude” that occurs when he is driving back from fishing and feels the “great adventure draining from him suddenly.” This initial characterization shows how Father Declan doesn’t feel happy at his home and views fishing as a sort of escapism where he can take his mind away from the solitude he experiences. His loneliness is amplified by the fact that he is an older person who drives an “old Ford” and can be “turtle-like.” Older people often have trouble making new friends due to socializing less, and this, coupled with their growing sense of mortality, can cause them to feel remorse and sadness over the lack of people around them. This furthers the characterization of Father Declan as someone who suffers because of his loneliness and struggles to change his situation. Later on, when Father Declan is considering adopting a dog to combat this loneliness, he thinks to himself, “Was there anything written against a priest having a dog?” This indirect characterization shows how his worries for how other people view him causes him to reject his own happiness. He is thinking about the stigma and precedent for his exact scenario, which is unnecessarily specific and shows his worry about taking action. . He can’t entirely decide on what he really wants — is it the approval of others or satisfaction? Therefore, the usage of characterization to portray Father Declan as someone who is agonizingly lonely emphasizes how his care for others’ opinions is self-destructive. Additionally, Haien uses vivid descriptions to portray Father Declan as someone who experiences immense loneliness in his life. The home that he is driving back to is described as “bleak” with rooms “devoid of life” except for his own “ghostly” self. This shows how Father Declan views his home like a haunted graveyard which has no happiness. He isn’t just living alone but suffering like a ghost that has lost their attachment to the world due to his loneliness. Like mentioned in the previous paragraph, this is implied to be because he feels like his life is losing purpose as he gets older. And yet, when he thinks about making a better life for himself by getting a dog, he can’t help but imagine his maid Mrs. Duggin complaining, “I'm hoovering' hairs, Father, dog hairs,’ tousling the thin of her own, her mouth dropped disapprovingly.” This vivid description of his maid shows how Father Declan is worried about how others will view this action and wants to be considerate of how they feel. He believes that if he were to get a dog, his maid would be cleaning up after it often, which makes him feel guilty. By doing so, he pushes away what makes him happy and causes himself to continue living in the miserable, barren house which isn’t empty of people but rather of love. He struggles to put himself first and avoids confrontation. This ultimately emphasizes how Father Declan is indecisive and struggles to resolve his loneliness, despite it being a huge burden on his mental wellbeing.

Score Breakdown

Thesis (1/1)

Evidence & Commentary (3/4)

Sophistication (0/1)

Why This Essay Scored Well

The essay picks a defensible thesis that names two techniques and makes an arguable claim linking Father Declan's loneliness to others' opinions and his indecision. The writer anchors that claim in specific textual language, which gives the argument a concrete foundation. The dog question is connected to his anxiety about judgment, advancing the thesis about indecision. The strongest analysis comes when the writer interprets the ghost imagery to show more than loneliness: a lost attachment to life itself. The Mrs. Duggin passage is tied to his concern for others' opinions, supporting the thesis about self-suppression. The distinction between emptiness of people and emptiness of love is a sharp interpretive move that deepens the argument.

For the full point-by-point rubric behind this score, read our AP essay rubric breakdown.

What Could Be Improved

Unsupported generalizations about older people socializing less and a growing sense of mortality should be replaced with analysis of the text's own language: the turtle image, the 'ghostly haze' of his breath, the 'bleeding' walls. The writer should explain what those word choices reveal about his isolation. The essay explains that he feels guilty, but it needs to push into why a priest's identity and duty make him unable to claim his own happiness. What does 'Innocent, the mere wishing of a mere wish' suggest about the cost of that suppression? Circular sentences like 'the usage of characterization... emphasizes how his care for others' opinions is self-destructive' should be tightened so each paragraph's closing claim does new analytical work rather than restating the thesis.

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