4/6 AP English Language Rhetorical Analysis Essay: Simu Liu

This is a real rhetorical analysis essay written by an AP student (personal details removed) and scored 4/6 by our AI grader — one of many AP English Language essay examples in our library.

The Prompt

Simu Liu is an actor who has starred in television shows and movies, including Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. His 2022 memoir, We Were Dreamers: An Immigrant Superhero Origin Story, describes his experiences as a Chinese immigrant in Canada. Liu’s parents emigrated to Canada from China when Liu was a baby, leaving him with his grandparents. In the following excerpt from Liu’s memoir, the family is getting the four-year-old Liu ready to reunite with his father and travel to Canada himself. Read the passage carefully. Write an essay that analyzes the rhetorical choices Liu makes to convey his message about the experience of preparing to emigrate from China. In your response you should do the following:

Respond to the prompt with a thesis that analyzes the writer’s rhetorical choices.
Select and use evidence to support your line of reasoning.
Explain how the evidence supports your line of reasoning.
Demonstrate an understanding of the rhetorical situation.
Use appropriate grammar and punctuation in communicating your argument.

The Passage

In the summer of 1993 I noticed that my English flash card lessons were starting to pick up, along with talk that my departure date to Canada was drawing Line even nearer. 5 I didn’t like that one bit. My whole family—my yéye, na˘inai, gu¯gu, gu¯fu¯, 1 even my cousin JingJing—spoke of this “Canada” as if it were some sort of idyllic paradise, a place of abundant snacks and endless affection. 10 “You can eat whatever you want,” Na˘inai would say, as if I didn’t already have pretty regular access to all of my favorites on Héxìnglù. 2 “You will finally reunite with your parents,” my gu¯gu added reassuringly, as if I didn’t already have 15 five amazing people around me who loved me. Looking back, it felt kind of cult-y, like gospel from the Church of Canadology that I was supposed to just accept. I played along, even though I was still rough on the exact terms of this proposition. Sure, I 20 welcomed the thought of meeting more members of my family . . . but I had no idea that said new family members would come at the cost of everyone that I knew and loved. So, with about as much agency as any 25 four-year-old possessed, I kept on, ever the obedient child, dutifully memorizing my English flash cards.  (píngguo)—Apple.  (ma¯o)—Cat.  (xia¯ngjia¯o)—Banana.  (bàbama¯ma) —Parents, whom I would meet in the winter. 30 An air of excitement permeated our household in the days leading up to my father’s arrival in late December. Word had come to us that Bàba 3 would fly over to pick me up and escort me back to Canada, while Ma¯ma would meet us at the airport once we 35 landed in Toronto. If my grandparents were dreading letting me go (they were), they went to great lengths not to show it. We made a big WELCOME BACK sign in giant letters and hung it on our door. I wore my nicest clothes on the day, an outfit of absolute fire 40 consisting of a collared rugby shirt with blue and purple stripes, a pair of brown overalls with yellow polka dots and a vest that looked like a burlap sack. That’s right, I was pattern clashing way before it was cool. 45 My gu¯gu and gu¯fu¯ came over and we prepared a feast that filled our little round table: white mushrooms with sliced pork, large tail-on shrimp, bean curd, soy-sauce ribs and Russian-style red sausage—my father’s favorite, apparently. 50 The food is starting to get cold when we hear a little knock on our door. I perk up anxiously as my yéye answers, opening the door to reveal a scrawny, square-faced man with bowl-cut hair wearing a big cozy sweater along with the bleary gaze of exhaustion GO ON TO THE NEXT PAGE. AP® English Language and Composition 2024 Free-Response Questions © 2024 College Board. Visit College Board on the web: collegeboard.org. 11 55 that comes after an eighteen-hour train ride from Beijing. This man who resembles an Asian Eric Forman from That ’70s Show is my bàba, the man who I had waited my entire four-and-a-half-year life to reunite with. 60 This is the man who is going to bring me to the promised land of Canada. “Máomao! 4 It’s me!” I freeze. I had imagined this moment in my head many 65 times, as I’m sure my father had. I wanted to run to him, embracing him enthusiastically and without any reservations, as any child would run to their own father—but I just . . . can’t. Everything about this man is foreign to me, from his voice to his smell. I had 70 only seen his face in photographs, only heard recordings of his disembodied voice. He feels almost like a celebrity, someone I recognize from somewhere, but who is himself unknown and unknowable. 75 I scurry to my na˘inai’s side nervously. I’m sure my father was a little disappointed, but he respected my space, taking only a small step toward me. “Do you know who I am?” I ponder this for a moment. 80 “You . . . you are Zhenning Liu.” 5 Everyone around me bursts out laughing. The ice is broken, and I laugh along, even though I don’t get the joke. “Zhenning Liu” is exactly who this man is to me; not “Dad,” not “Father,” not “Bàba” . . . but a 85 stranger, an acquaintance at best. Slowly, over the next few days, it dawns on me that this stranger is going to take me away from my family, my home and everything that I have ever known. 1 grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle 2 Hexing Street 3 Father 4 Chinese nickname for a small child 5 the father’s full name

The Essay

Simu Liu is a Chinese Immigrant TV show and movie actor who wrote a memoir in 2022 called We Were Dreamers: An Immigrant Superhero Origin Story. In it, he uses contrast, an uncertain tone, and punctuation for emphasis to show how meeting his father and preparing to emigrate from China make him nervous, evoking empathy from his fans and pushing them to recognize the psychological cost of preparing to immigrate from a home country. First, Liu’s nainai speaks of Canada as a place where he can “eat whatever you[he] wants”, contrasting with his point that he can already do that in China. Similarly, Liu’s gugu reassures him that he can “reunite with” his parents in Canada, even though he thinks he already has the parental love he needs in China. Here, Liu contrasts his family’s enthusiasm and expectations for Canada with his own pessimism to show how much he values his existing values and culture. Because of this valuation, leaving China would strip away everything he has, including his way of life. This evokes empathy from his fans and causes them to recognize how big of an emotional impact it would have on him if he emigrated. Next, Liu uses an uncertain tone when he realizes his family prepares his dad’s favorite meal, demonstrating his uncertainty by saying “apparently” after acknowledging that they know what his father’s favorite meal is. That specific word shows his doubt and that he really doesn’t know what his father’s favorite meal is, proving that he is emotionally distant from his father. This also establishes that without emotional connection to his parents in Canada, he doesn’t have any ties to Canada overall. Liu uses this lack of connection to Canada to frame Canada as a completely foreign land, and that increases his sense of uncertainty, causing nervousness for his fans reading the memoir. He has made them experience that same nervous feeling that he had in that exact moment, and has therefore made them understand first hand the psycological effect on immigrants prepared to leave home countries. Also, when describing his own reaction to seeing his father, Liu uses punctuation for emphasis by saying any child would run to his father but he “... can’t”. The punctuation in question is the ellipsis, which creates a pause effect. It helps to demonstrate his own hesitation in embracing his father. Because he is hesitant to do that, we know that he is not familiar with his father. This abrupt pause also serves to demonstrate his opposition to leaving everything behind and moving to Canada. Because we know he moves to Canada anyway, his memoir-reading fans can tell how powerless he feels because his opinion does not play a role in this affair. So, by imparting this sense of powerlessness upon the fans, Liu allows them to see the lack of power many immigrants have over their own emigrations, which could further deteriorate their emotional state. Ultimately, Liu uses these devices of contrast, uncertain tone, and punctuation for emphasis to create vulnerability and intimacy in order to change his position in the eyes of the Western fans reading his memoir from a celebrity above them all from across the ocean to just another immigrant struggling with the implications of emigration to another country. This allows them to better empathize with immigrants and their struggles.

Score Breakdown

Thesis (1/1)

Evidence & Commentary (3/4)

Sophistication (0/1)

Why This Essay Scored Well

The thesis names three choices (contrast, an uncertain tone and punctuation for emphasis) and ties them to an effect on readers and to a larger point about "the psychological cost of preparing to immigrate from a home country," and each body paragraph takes up one of those choices in order. The contrast paragraph sets Nainai's promise that he can "eat whatever you[he] wants" and Gugu's talk of a chance to "reunite with" his parents against Liu's own doubts. The second body paragraph reads a single word, "apparently," as a sign of how little Liu knows about his father. The ellipsis paragraph is the clearest analysis in the essay. The writer names the mark, says it "creates a pause effect," and connects that pause to Liu's hesitation in embracing his father and to his "opposition to leaving everything behind." Throughout, the essay keeps Liu's "memoir-reading fans" in view as the audience, which shows a grasp of the rhetorical situation.

For the full point-by-point rubric behind this score, read our AP essay rubric breakdown.

What Could Be Improved

In the contrast paragraph, the line "This evokes empathy from his fans" arrives without an explanation of what setting the family's excitement beside Liu's doubts makes a reader feel. The "apparently" paragraph moves from "emotionally distant from his father" to "he doesn't have any ties to Canada overall" in a single step, and the link between those claims, that not knowing his father makes the country itself feel unknown, never reaches the page. Those asserted effects are why Evidence and Commentary stopped at 3. The three body paragraphs also end on nearly the same empathy claim, so the analysis never builds. The most promising idea, the conclusion's shift of Liu from "a celebrity above them all" to "just another immigrant," appears only in the last paragraph. Developed across the body, with the contrast paragraph setting up the distance that makes "apparently" and the ellipsis land, that reframing is the one move that could have earned sophistication.

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